How does an Old lady vagina feel? ever fed a pony?

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball was getting bigger… then it hit me!

My girlfriend complained that there should be more women in technology So I put her in my new smart fridge

4yo doctor visit: Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I’d rather he play with mud. Me: .. Wife:.. Me: where do u download mud?

I’ve just bought a film on DVD about a prisoner that finally gets parole. I’ve waited years for it to be released.

When you’re in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think “THEY’RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I’LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED”

My dad was cutting up Onions and I started crying. Onions was a great dog.

Why was Jared Fogle upset? Because he was sentenced to over 15 years in prison.

BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. “Hitler’s haircut is literally the worst,” she writes. “Also he’s mean.”

What kind of concert costs 45cents? 50cent feat. Nickelback