People are like books. You can’t judge them by appearance alone and it’s not cool to burn a big pile of them.

What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes? Get a small hankie!

I’m coming out with a new type of whiskey called cunt… So when someone asks me what i want to drink I’ll yell cunt liquor.

A hamburger walks into a bar… The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

Did you hear they came out with a drink called the Osama Bin Laden? It’s two shots and a splash of water.

Spice up Christmas shopping by entering random fitting rooms, waiting 5 minutes, then yelling, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”

Why do molluscs only think of themselves? Because they’re shellfish

A man using Apple Maps walks into a bar… Or a hospital…. Or possibly a church.

I was astonished to learn that the meat in Subway was slaughtered in a traditional Muslim way. I mean how the fuck do they fit a rucksack on a cow?

What do amputees and cricket have in common? Stumps