Can’t afford a cat? Duct tape 3 squirrels together, next question

Man drowned in Muesli Got pulled in by a strong currant

It’s like my pet hippo doesn’t even realise it’s my pet. DOCTOR: Please be quiet while I stitch up your face.

Top 10 inappropriate songs to sing at a children’s karaoke party; 10 – Sometimes When We Touch

Did you hear about the blind man walking past the fishmonger’s? “Hello ladies”

Damn I hate this time of year I just get so damn Claustrophobic

When an American says, “You do the math,” you should also offer to assist him in his grammar.

Why do some race drivers hate wet tracks? Because the water is a distraction.

How did Gertie Gorilla make the ‘Playboy’ Calendar? She was ‘Miss Ape-ril!’

A girl asked me if I was into anal sex… I said I’ve never tried it, but I figure it’d be fucking shit.