Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

If you drop your pants for a “surprise checkup” and hear your doctor’s belt buckle hit the floor, you should probably head for the hills

Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans? It’s not easy to hike a trail when you’re always falling down drunk.

I told my friend she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high… she looked surprised.

My european friend Opee is opening up a restaurant where he claims to have the ‘worlds best pizza’. His restaurant is in the middle of no where, but don’t worry Opee Delivers

She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.

If a man holds the car door open for a women, then you know that one of the two is new.

Why did Thor file a police report? Because someone stole his thunder

What is Yoda’s last name? Layhehoo

Why was 6 afraid of 11? Because 11 snaps people’s necks with her mind.