What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

Where do onions wrestle? Onion rings.

Judge: Order in the court [from the back] Me: Can I get a large pepperoni pizza with… [puts hand over speaker and looks around] what?

So I was walking down the street the other day, and saw this black guy… carrying a tv. At first I thought, “Hey, that looks like mine!” But then I remembered mine is at home shining my shoes.

What did a disappointed Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he fished up a Salmon? “IT’S NOT A TUNA!!!”

I’m so poor I’m taking a vacation on Google Street View this year.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogy in it!

[rose from the movie titanic a couple years later sitting on crowded bus] excuse me, can you slide over so I ca- “NO, there’s no room”

What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes? A bit neurotic.

If you don’t think monkeys are adorable, then you can suck macaque.