I asked my German professor… …”can you tell me how many credit hours of German this school offers?” She replied, “nine.” “Well, thanks anyways,” I said.

What we’ve learned from this skittles incident is that we should all stop eating refugees.

There are two types of people in this world Those who can make an assumption based on a previous statement

Never make fun of fat girls with lisps… They’re thick and tired of it.

[Dinner with GFs parents] *Does shadow puppet of a bird* “Thats great but I asked what you do for a living?” Um *smooths tie* I’m unemployed

I wish all tests were things you peed on

A hungry college student saw a poster reading “Humanitarians of the World meeting tonight. Free food,” and decided to attend Upon arrival, he was promptly killed, skewered, roasted, and eaten.

I was in a band.. called “Missing Cat”. You might have seen our posters.

Latest reserch shows, that women with extra weight… Live longer, than the men, that mention it.

I’ve mathematically figured out how many upvotes it takes to get to the front page. Answer inside. [score hidden]