A customer asked me to check their balance. …so I pushed them over and they fell.

A table walks into a bar and says… Drinks are on me!

Gravity Maxim Trow yourself from the building and catch from the boardwalk!

I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book it cost me a fortune in postage stamps

Slept like a log last night… Woke up in the fireplace.

I wish my wife worked at Subway Maybe then she would make me a sandwich.

Why was the man allergic to Christmas? Because it’s the reason for the sneason.

Cinnabon got it right with the whole selling cinnamon rolls all day thing.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? I have a flesh-eating disease, and it’s slowly killing me.

What do you call an avid gardener? Herb