[me after 1 minute of jogging] this is good, this was a good decision [me after 3 minutes of jogging] life is suffering, there is no god

What do you call a manager that hasn’t grown up yet? A kidager

Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it? She was a right Jack off all trades.

What did Einstein eat as a baby? Formula!

How do Japanese politicians say they got their positions? With erections.

Been yelling just awful things at people, trying to improve my chef skills.

A man and a doctor are talking… The doctor says “I have bad news. You have cancer, and you have Alzheimer’s.” The man replies, “Thank God I don’t have cancer.”

Forced to use Axe Shampoo & Conditioner this morning and now my hair is high fiving people and calling them Braaaah.

Whats Hitler’s favorite type of joke A roast

Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.