If I ever ran a tobacco company… … I’d name my cigarettes “heretics”. So anyone could burn his own heretic every single day.

My grandfather had alzheimers…

What was the aardvark’s favorite Lady Gaga song? Just Ants. Credit: My friend, the PUNisher.

I once saw a headstone that read “here lies a politician and an honest man.” I wonder how they fit two people in one casket.

What do you call a pair of identical twins who are stewardesses? Hostess Twinkies

How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?

What Moby Dick’s fathers name? Papa Boner

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas? He went to the Shell station.

I have 6 mental illnesses Schizophrenia, OCD, ADHD, dislexia, anxiety, and hypochondria.

Can the ninja throw his ninja stars? Shurikan