The location of a pimple on your body is directly correlated to how much your body hates you.

I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing.

Have you seen Jesus’s abs?!! He must be doing that Cross-Fit workout!

Michael Jackson is the epitome of the American Dream Only in America could a poor, black boy become a rich, white woman

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

I dont think I can be gay I just dont have it in me.

My father always told me “The way to a woman’s heart is… “…through her left breast.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown One turns to the other and says “Does this taste funny to you?” I decided to post this classic especially with the clown epidemic going on

What do you call two beer drinkers arguing about sea turtles? Lager-heads at loggerheads about Loggerheads.

Two pretzels were walking down the street… …One was a salted.