Test boast, please ignore. Mitochondria are better than yourtochondria.

Some days I think my mental health is coming along nicely, other days I’m vaguely jealous of turtles.

“We hug and kiss, but people just don’t lick each other.” -yet another lie I just told my toddler

Did you guys hear about the Italian chef who had food poisoning? He pasta way.

Whats a hoes idea? A Thot.

Being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to the queen. On the one hand it is a great honour, but you dread the moment when you have to rise to perform.

Once, in 1998, I read a website’s terms and conditions page. True story.

Christianity is the ultimate daddy issue.

What do you call a serial killer that rides a bike? A Cyclepath

A guaranteed way to make a hormone… Don’t pay her…