Donald Trump is not the sharpest tool in the shed but… ..he is the biggest.

Me: Bless me father for I have sinned… Priest texting me back: I already told you, I’m not absolving u of your sins unless you come in.

I thought I saw Jesus in a cookie. But I was wrong. It was just a guy who looked like him.

911 – wats ur emergency? – i got stuck in some magnets 911 – who are u? – Iron man

Did you hear about the discount rabbi for circumcisions? He’ll take up to 10% off.

What do you get when a fat guy and a butterface have sex? A Burka! He covers his body, and she covers her face!

Why can’t there be a Santa Pig? Pigs don’t fit in chimneys.

3yr old: [whispering] I have a secret “What it is, sweetie?” 3: [shouting] I POOPED! “Do you know what a secret is?” 3: [whispering] no.

What has 8 legs and 7 arms? Def Leppard

Why are life long overweight people funny? Growing up they hear the best jokes.