What is the difference between a creep and a kid? I wouldn’t let a creep sit on my lap.

At home: I want to go out, I want friends. When I go out: I want to go home, I hate people.

Women! Can’t live with ’em, can’t sell ’em or Liam Neeson will find you and kill you.

We call our new maid Non Sequitur, …because she’s Latin and she doesn’t follow.

To all you ladder manufacturers, I got something to tell you. Step it up!

“Crocodile after awhile.” – Yoda

Nothing worse than talking to a person with a large amount of spit in their mouth that talks really fast. HOLY SHIT…My glasses r ruined

If you’re going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might aswell hit them hard.

Ever hear of that cat turned vegan because of its vegan owner? Probably not, she died.

Do vegetarian cops… ….go on stakeouts?