So a baby seal walks into a club …

Start a slow-clap in a quiet, crowded room. The first person that joins you, marry them. They’re your soulmate.

Keep calm and stop making different versions of that “keep calm” poster.

My optometrist likes to make eye puns they keep getting cornea and cornea

Business was great last year. I made 6 figures. $2,784.93

The USA condemns unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation.

Q: What does K-mart stand for? A: Kuz Mexicans Are Rich Too

Catholic Priests are taking one for the team… They’re touching children, for Christ’s sake…

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair

What is sharper, your butt-hole or your teeth? Butt-hole, because it can cut your shit.