What did the redneck say to his sister? Oooh yeah, baby!

Who’s the idiot who named the song ‘The Sound of Silence’ and not

In bed I’m like Beethoven It’s all over in three movements.

So a mushroom walks into a bar.. And the bartender says “we don’t serve your kind here”. The mushroom responds “Why not? I’m a fungi!”

[Ouija board] Me: Demon? I-W-I-L-L-E-A-T-Y-O-U-R-E-S-O-U-L Me: *your Y-O-U-K-N-O-W W-H-A-T-I-D-O-N-T-W-A-N-T-Y-O-U-R-S-O-U-L-A-N-Y-M-O-R-E

Why do traffic lights turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

I think this is the weekend to finally tell my parents I’m straight.

Why don’t neo-nazis use the forward button on their browsers? Because they Alt-Right instead.

My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet… The black objects absorb more.

16 sodium atoms walk into a bar. They were followed by batman.