How do you get an iraqi woman pregnant? Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

There’s someone out there for everyone. Don’t worry if you’re alone, your true love is just having sex with someone else right now.

What has gas, liquid and solids on it at the same time? Uranus.

What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

I’m the guy who asks for extra ketchup, notices he didn’t get the extra ketchup, and says nothing further.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

What did the redneck say when she lost her virginity? GET OFF ME DAD, you’re crushing my cigarettes!

If Google can’t find the answer, it’s not a question.

*waters flowers* *flowers die* *sprays weeds with poison* *weeds mutate, quadruple in size, grow 3 heads, and start speaking in tongues*

Why did the tea-bag fall down the hill? To steep.