Last night I dreampt I was playing Kobe Bryant 1-on-1. I had him all lined up to block his shot …and then he feinted.

What do you call the first black guy elected to the White House? Precedent.

Sports do not build character. They reveal it.

How many cats? One.

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

Why were all the computers in the company frozen? Because they let IT go

I wish my grass was more emo. Then it would cut itself.

A very busty woman whispers to me “I want you to tell me if these look real” my eyes widen, then she takes out pictures of the moon landing

A Magician was driving down the street. Then he turn into a driveway.

How can you tell that Caitlyn Jenner was once a man? Because she’s better at being a woman than most women are.