My nephew: “Sometimes it gets puffy and I can’t pee” Me: “Yeah, unfortunately when you get older it gets puffy and you can’t think”

Did you hear the horror story about the teens having sex on a camping trip? It was fucking in tents!

As I get older, I’m really just looking for Girls Gone Mild.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers

I’m currently working on a management oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks “I’ll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it.” – Mr. Manager Cordially, Mrs. Team Lead

What did the teacher do with the student’s cheese report? She grated it.

What’s the difference between a bag of coke and a baby? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out of the window.

Washington DC’s IQ is the same as the Federal Reserves interest rate Theyre both negative.

I put a picture of my friend with MS on my computer. It quit running

If you jump off a bridge in Paris… They’ll declare you in Seine