Me: it’s robocop Wife: it’s not robocop it’s dangerous *a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*

What do gay horses eat?? Haaaayyyy!!

Told my kid he better not steal another candy bar cuz “we don’t have time to get arrested” if you’re looking for a parenting role model.

Dear algebra, Stop telling us to find your x, she’s never coming back. Don’t ask y. Sincerely, PB1541

WANTED: Someone to have my babies and carry on my family name. No strings attached. You can even keep the kids.

Which came first? Chicken or the Egg? Neither. I CAME first!

What did Hitler invest his money in hand sanitizer? It kills 99.9% of Germs.

What do you call a horny cow? Beef jerky 🙂

My description of today’s front page… BEARY FUNNY!!!! http://i.imgur.com/en5msOs.png

What’s the difference between 0/1 and 0/2 ? Nothing.