Roses are red grass is green open your legs and i’ll give you some cream.

Why aren’t dwarves allowed at nudist camps? They allways stick their nose in other people’s business.

What water does Snake drink? Big Voss.

Does a litter box count as a guest bathroom?

WHY DID THE PRISONER TYPE IN ALL UPPERCASE? THEY WERE SENTENCED TO CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.

This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.

Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan….

My daily horoscope says I just lost all of my decent followers by posting my daily horoscope on Twitter.

If you have an Oculus Rift… Then you’re Luckey.

If at first you don’t succeed… …then sky diving is not for you.