Two zombies, Greg and John, are sitting in the cemetery. Greg says: “Didn`t Peter also want to come?” John answers: “Yes, but he is late.”

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito? ME-coli

I hate people that can’t tell the difference between “you’re” and “your” their so stupid

What’s invisible and smells like cough drops? Koala farts

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.

I saw the youtube-comment-jokes and raise you the edition I found while listening to skrillex! https://dl.dropbox.com/u/87956689/reddit/youtube.PNG

Our son eats 3 bowls of generic fruity pebbles every morning then pukes on the bus.

What’s the cheapest type of meat? Deer balls, because they’re under a buck.

What is 1x times D xD

2 peanuts walk into an elevator One was Ray Rice and the other was assaulted