Want to hear a joke about testicles? Today’s your lucky day, because I’ve got two!

me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was trying to draw the zoophile into traffic. Thanks /u/LFBR for the premise.

My girlfriend accused me of sleeping with her sister and I was like, “How can that be possible when her snoring keeps me up all night?”

Did you guys here the Twins signed Adrian Peterson? Word is they needed a switch hitter…

If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can’t buy.

If you clone a twin… Do you get triplets?

If you watch Intervention backwards, it’s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.

Last night my girlfriend kept shouting someone’s name while we were having sex. I never met anyone named “Rape” though.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Hiroshima Barbie …just a shadow of her former self