My computer keeps giving me an error message saying “The Printer Can’t Be Found.” Uh buddy it’s RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, HELLO

What’s the definition of a great farmer? He’s outstanding in his field.

[1st date] Her: I love quail Me: Omg me too! H: Love Cher M: Omg me too! H: Love men Me: Omg me too! H: Love Pepsi M: WTF is wrong with you?

Did you hear about the new Playboy magazine for married men? Every month it has the same centerfold.

Violets are green, roses are blue… Alright you bastards, who fucked with the hue?

To all you hilarious guys telling Ronda Rousey jokes today: Seize your moment, gents! Talk about a woman *and* look like the winner by comparison!

3 guys walked into a bar but one ducked

[caution: black joke] If a person’s last name is Black, there’s every chance he/she is not of African American origin. – Because slaves don’t need surnames.

What kind of turns do letters take? U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.