What do you do if your girlfriend is choking ? Back up a few inches

Why is a wizard so good in bed? Because he is never late, nor is he early. He reaches orgasm precisely when he means to.

On a stakeout. Getting bored. Wish these perps would do something. Oh crap. Got my dong stuck in my cd player.

I have sexdaily I mean dyslexia fcuk

God: [returning from year-long sabbatical] So, how’s 2016 been? Did you cope OK? Intern who was left in charge: [looks awkward] Yep. Fine.

What’s the most popular board game in Canada Sorry.

MISSING: 5 year old LAST SEEN: Moments after I said, “Bath time.” DESCRIPTION: Naked, sporting 20-23 Spider-Man band-aids

My head feels like something Picasso would have drawn.

Why do bronies get so upset about the friendzone? I thought friendship was magic

Michael Jackson has left behind has been so influential… …but I think more than any other artist, his legacy has been influenced by his coloured past.