Back in the day, pens could only be used once before you threw them away The invention of the modern pen is truly remarkable

What is Hitler’s favourite animal? Adolphin

I can spell relief with one letter P!

Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.

Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide I have ever heard.

Two high dudes meet… “What’s your name?” “Jack without a V.” “There’s no V in Jack.” “That’s what I just said.”

I don’t trust people who keep their jackets on after they’ve arrived. That’s what I do when I’m going to escape.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower? You hand the bitch a shovel.

If you trip over in public, a cool thing to do is break into a jog, leave the country, have plastic surgery and change your name.

What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander’s son as president? A son Bern