I hosted a debate between “Safe Space” advocates and critics The safe space advocates didn’t show up and called for my resignation.

What smells better raw meat or a baby? Depends on how cooked the baby is.

I’m not racist, but black people sure were nicer before the civil rights movement.

Why do melons have to get married in a church? Because they cantaloupe.

Divorces should just be reverse weddings where you get pushed out of a church while your friends steal appliances from your home.

With Fifty Shades of Grey that came out today, cinemas should serve ketchup… …for all the fish fingers

Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because she can’t fit into D shells

Some women wear larger shirts to make their bodies feel smaller… I wear smaller condoms to make my penis feel larger

I am really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y. Credit: Chris Turner

Do you know the thing about carpets? They demand to be felt.