I decided to make my password “incorrect” because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, “Your password is incorrect.”

anti-tattoo people saying “my body’s a temple” like they wouldn’t worship at a temple that had an enormous mural of a tiger fighting a cobra

Close your eyes. Picture a world without hunger. Open your eyes. I ate your sandwich.

I have two tickets to the Euro’s final.. problem is it’s on the same day as my wedding… So if anyones interested it’s at St.Peters church in Brighton and her name is Sarah.

I registered as a sex offender.. ..just so I wouldn’t have to wake up early to drive the kids to school.

How do you confuse a gay? 7

What do Japan and Shaq have in common? Kobe Beef

Don’t you hate it when dontyouhateitwhenpeopledontusespaces

What do you call weaponized sushi? A combat roll

Steve Jobs isn’t really dead The nurses are just holding him the wrong way [Source](http://sickipedia.org/joke/view/1108293)