BREAKING: An egg. I’m making scrambled eggs.

yesterday at the mall a woman asked for my opinion between two men’s shirts and immediately went to check out with the one i didn’t choose

Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.

What do you call a sleep walking nun? A roamin’ Catholic.

Interesting how alzheimer’s makes people forget their own name; yet they always seem to remember that they’re racist.

How often did the asian cow go to the gym? Dairy

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in tendifferent puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately,no pun in ten did.

What did the squash say to the cucumber when he saw the pumpkin patch get blown up? Oh My Gourd!

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HUNTER & A STALKER What’s the difference between a hunter and a stalker? ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it’s in season!

What do you call a longshoreman who only unloads sugar substitutes? A steviadore.