I think I love my girlfriend… But I need to ask Rudy Guliani to be sure.

Gordon Ramsay rejected all the photos taken to showcase his latest menu … … they were formatted RAW

My friend accidentally shot off his toes. He told me to take him to the hospital,But I can’t I’m Lack-toes-intolerant.

40% of divorces stem from $ issues. 40% are caused by infidelity. The remaining 20% have been linked to IKEA purchases requiring assembly.

How can you spot a Canadian They’re the ones that say “Thank You” to the ATM

I’m dating an x-ray technician… But I don’t know what she sees in me.

I tried to catch fog once… I mist

Did you hear about the physics student that committed suicide by jumping off a skyscraper? What a shame. He had so much potential.

Sorry I threw firewood at you and yelled “shoo”, but with the amount of eye liner you wear, you resemble the raccoons that raided my cooler.

Oh, you’re an early riser? Yes. Have kids? No. A farm? No. Insomnia? No. Medical condition? No. Psycho.