What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I’ve never paid to see a lentil.

What do you call a group of militant feminists? A Militia Etheridge

What do you call Nazis from San Francisco? Bay Aryans

Oral can make your whole day Anal can make your hole weak.

Wes Craven died? Well that sucks, I sure wes craven another scary movie…

Bill Clinton has been battling the same illness for 17 years. Pneumonica.

Marijuana was a big problem in Auschwitz. Jews would go there just to get baked.

Totally blasting Billy Joel out of my minivan. I’m like sex on wheels right now.

If I’m ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza.

Me: *stumbles in front of boss at work* Boss: haha have a nice trip, see you in the fall Me: *takes 8 month vacation*