What would martin Luther king be if he was white? Alive.

[at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling.

The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.

Did you hear about the pizza boy who wanted to become a comedian? (OC) His material is terrible, but his delivery is amazing!

White people are only thinking about one of 5 things at any given moment: 1. skiing 2. sadness 3. edamame 4. revenge 5. Greek yogurt.

[Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary] Narrator: …the mink, a close relative of the weasel Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god

Why did the president start the bar fight? So he could pass the bill.

Guess what? Good guess

Mexican Magician There was a Mexican Magician standing on the stage. He said, “On the count of three, I will make myself disappear!” “Uno!” “Dos!” POOF! He disappeared without a tres!

I recently got addicted to this new only chicken diet Guess I’ll have to go cold turkey if I want to stop.