My friend Mahmoud bombed his physics final. At least he didn’t fail.

For my birthday, I got a Rolex from my lesbian neighbor. I think she misunderstood me when I told her I wanna watch.

I went on a date last night!nIt went really well…up until the moment the couple realized I was following them & promptly called the cops.

A Prostitute offered me holy water the other day… Still not sure what hole it came from.

Can’t trust anyone that refuses to admitnThey are wrong. nnSidenote: I do have a place to hide their bodies.

What do you call a loud group of Cowboys? A Reckon-ing.

Here, have my marionette set. “Cool. How much for it?” Just take it “For free? What’s the catch?” No strings attached. “You son of a bit..”

A sadist met a masochist… and said “hurt me” “No” said the sadist.

A student staring off in class… The teacher said to the student “starring off into space never got anyone far in life.” The student quipped “That’s what they told Galileo.”

It’s hard to find true love these days. Even Charles Manson’s fiance wanted him for his body.