Hey baby, you must be from Ireland because when I look at you, my penis is Dublin

A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says “Hey.” The horse says “You read my mind buddy.”

Relationship advice: Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them.

“Mommy, mommy, I don’t wanna see grandma!” “Shut up and keep digging!”

*Buys map of world, pins up on wall *Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands *packs for wall 3 feet away *has an amazing time at wall

I throw my poop to birds to give them a taste of the parallel universe.

My brother, Max, asked me to come up with a nickname for him. Now we just call him Maxx.

What were the 2 doctors who worked with Schrodinger called? A *paradox.*

Best time to go to the dentist? tooth hurty

Earth has billions of inhabitants, while Uranus has only one…. My dick.