What did the mother tomato tell the baby tomato when the baby tomato was walking too slow? Honey, walk faster, KETCHUP!

That moment when your crush is absent, and you wasted your time going to school.

why pay kristen stewart millions of dollars when a cardboard cutout of kristen stewart will give the exact same performance for free

It’s amazing how alcohol can make you do so many stupid things on your smart phone.

A random Aussie called me a cunt. I guess we are like best friends now.

How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes.

I was trying to make my own joke on Mexicans… But everything I came up with was borderline childish.

I just got a great new lab coat! The meat was pretty good too.

I used to work at the factory that made fire hydrants. Couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

“Taxi” A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.