If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

What words men never want to hear during sex? Hi honey, I’m home.

My cell phone battery dies quicker than a mother in a Disney movie

Hub: You ready to go? Me: In a minute, I’m beating the kids. [Cut to me just decimating the kids at Mario Kart]

Lifeguard 1: How was your day? Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad? 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers

[robbing Whole Foods] “All the cash in a bag NOW!” 100% organic reusable bag ok? “Yes!” [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag

So a horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. The horse unable to understand english, shits on the floor and leaves

Headline: “Russian Jet Shot Down by Turkey” My 1st thought was, “Holy shit the bird has gone Rambo.” I must have Thanksgiving on my mind.

A man goes to the Doctor for a physical. The doctor says, “I’m sorry but you are going to need to stop masturbating.” “Why?” the man asks. The doctor says, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

What’s Donald Trumps favorite Pink Floyd album The wall