What do we want? HEARING AIDS! When do we want them? WHAT?!

What did the vet say about the maimed donkey? Wow, that ass sure took a pounding

Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!

A couple are having trouble with their marriage… Wife: We used to have something special Jon! Something rare and precious! What happened to that? Husband: You spent it all dear.

Put me in your bio so I know it’s real… Just kidding, I’d rather be in your will.

If you wondered if I was on the naughty list this year, I should probably tell you that the best gift I got was a packing peanut.

Which side of the goose has the most feathers? The outside

Why can’t a blonde count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

[CREATING GROUNDHOGS] GOD: a rat dog ANGEL: check GOD: that whispers to white people ANGEL: what? GOD: about the weather ANGEL:

Why doesn’t Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year and when he does, it’s down the chimney.