How many tries did it take to find out if Lance Armstrong was ticklish? One testtickle

I just ate an entire bag of Werther’s and now I’m 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.

I don’t care about all the nasty stuff people put on here about Nicki Minaj. I’ll still suck her c**k anytime.

A wise man once said……………………… nothing,,, He just let her vent

Nice try, resealable potato chip bags.

Wife [interrogating]: How long have we been married dear? Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.

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My suit made entirely of Hello Kitty Bandaids did not help me much at my hospital interview. Apparently you have to go to medical school.

BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot– LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go

Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors? Because if they had 4 doors, they would be called chicken sedans…