I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply

Have you heard the one about the dog on the roof? You wouldn’t get it, it’s over your head.

The playwright wanted to make a play using only particles made from 2 quarks each. It was his meson scene.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A RIP OFF!!!

I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon.

What did the yoga teacher say when someone asked if she wanted to leave the party early? Namaste

*Action movie guy gets shot 3 times* It’s nothing, I’ll be fine. *gets shot a 4th time* Wow ok, that last one, ok whoooooo.

– Police, open the door. – What do you want? – We just wanna talk. – How many of you are there? – Two. – Well just talk to each other.

What is a banged-up used car? A car in first-crash condition.

Beer – tastes like I have friends Title.