I’ll tell you what I know about dwarfs! Very Little Courtesy of Jimmy Carr

How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish? Clickbait.

Where does the three legged horse live? The unstable

My wife slammed her fist on the table and shouted… “Why must you question everything I say!?” …”Everything?” I replied

Can I list french fries as my significant other?

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, Chris Brown doesn’t want you getting involved in his personal life

My mom saw me crying in my room and asked what’s wrong. I told her I feel like I didn’t exist. She told me I do exist because im a pain in the ass.

My son wants to dress as a Catholic Priest for Halloween… Well, he can go fuck himself.

Why didn’t the dog play cards on his ocean cruise? Because the captain stood on the deck.