No power. Mitt Romney : “8 Million Americans still have no power.” Obama: “8 Million and one.”

When I use my grandmother’s cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she’s way, way up there repairing the space station

How did michael hutchence take his drugs? Inxs

I once slowly roasted a Marshmallow over fire until the Michelin Man gave me some free tires.

There was a counter top on layaway at Home Depot. They said it was for the Packers’ punt returner, Hyde. It was for Micah.

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but plastic wrap… The psychiatrist says, “I can clearly see you’re nuts”.

A person’s tongue immediately becomes a toothbrush after you mention “teeth” in a conversation.

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

What’s the difference between batman and a black man? Batman can go into a store without robin.

A Scotsman walks into a bar.. Normally there is a Welshman, Irishman and Englishman, but they’re all in Marseille at the Euro’s.