Life After Death Hey grandma, do you think that life after death will be beautiful? Grandma: Well that depends, who died?

Kid 1: I’m bored Kid 2: me too Kid 3: our parents gave us horrible names

What are the best kinds of speedbumps? Orphan shaped ones.

What’s E.T. short for? … Cuz he’s got little legs

What do bulls do for fun? Play with others.

They say two heads are better than one… men are the exception

Yo mamma’s so old that… …back in her day, old spice was just called spice!

Hooker to customer: “I will do anything for you for $500”. Customer says incredulously: “ANYTHING?” Hooker: “Sure” Customer: “Meet me at my house on Friday, I want you to -” “paint my house.”

I call my nephews “Dude” and “Homie” because I’m the cool Aunt! (I don’t know their names.)

My wife and did it twice yesterday and we didn’t use any protection… I’m worried we might have twins.