My wife recently broke up with me because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back.

I think there are female hormones in beer Because, if you start drinking to much you start to get fat and you lose the ability to drive.

Most of my family has diarrhea it runs in our jeans

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood

A bodybuilder asks a doctor for a pill that will enhance his muscles and increase the size of his penis and tan his skin Here, I’ll prescribe you some testostyrone

What’s the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? Well the first noticeable difference is that the watermelon tastes better.

i like the viagra ad where the guy is on some crabbing boat in the middle of the bering sea, thinking about how he can’t get hard anymore

What’s a crackhead with no drugs? Crack-a-lacking

*sits gf down* i am about to ask you a big question. if you dont know the answer then thats ok… *clears throat* where is the space jam dvd

Yelp Review: Babies Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend.