There are 10 Types of People in the World… Those that understand binary…and those that don’t.

I asked my doctor where i should put my pants “Next to mine” was not the answer i was looking for.

@NBCSports thank you for making the sports

The TSA was like “Damn how did you get out of Iraq?” Iran

[aquarium exit] Excuse me ma’am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*

I recently met an indian baker who claimed to be socially rebellious He called himself a Naan-Conformist.

Kinda bored. Might shake things up by believing in Santa again.

Hey Shakespeare, are you writing your next play in pentameter? Iamb.

What is a big dinner for a cannibal? A three-corpse meal.

So a muslim guy walks into a bar.. Orders a drink, quietly enjoys it and then leaves. What? Were you expecting a more explosive punch line?