What did John Lennon say when he got egg shells in his cake? Yolko Oh-no

I used to make a living crushing cans. It was soda pressing.

Whats the difference between a zombie and baby? A zombie may eat your brains, but a baby kills your dreams.

Hubby took the kids downstairs and is letting me sleep in! I’m so excit..never mind, I hear crying already. I think it’s my husband.

If Hillary and Donald Trump are on a boat together and it crashes, who survives? America.

Where do Muslims go after they die? Everywhere

Why do most French recipes require only one egg? In France, one egg is *un oeuf*

My husband says shaving his legs gives him an advantage when cycling, but I don’t get how the high heels and pantyhose help.

A doctor says to his patient, “I have good new and bad news…” Patient: “I’d like the good news first” Doctor : “Well, you’re going to have a disease named after you…”

What do you call? What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on a chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on a chin? A dick in the mouth