HOW MANY BABIES DOES IT TAKE TO PAINT A WALL? Well, since 1 baby could paint 0 walls, it would take infinite babies to paint a wall.

So a blind man walks into a bar… and a table, and a couple of chairs

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No, neither have they.

Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.

Why are all the users of Ashley Madison worried about their emails leaking? They will be millionaires when the Nigerian princes finish downloading the file.

“27 Hilarious Ways You Know Journalism Is Dead” – Journalism

ME: someone stole my credit card number BANK: why would they spend $187 at a hot dog stand? ME: [hangs head in shame] that wasn’t them

“This ain’t my first Romeo.” -slutty Juliet

“Welcome to money management. Have you all paid your $200 entrance fee?” “Yes” “Excellent, never give money to strangers. Class dismissed”