It’s 3000 AD. Everything is fleek. President Updog has dissolved congress. Women make 700x what men do. I’m still writing 2014 on my checks.

What did one wall say to the other wall? I`ll meet you at the corner.

What’s big, white, and can’t climb a tree? A refrigerator.

My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said “bless you” now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that

SpongeBob Wait, I just realised something. SpongeBob lives in bikini bottom, and he’s absorbent: oh no…

What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone? Baaaaasalt

What’s brown and runs around your garden? Your fence.

You’re so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don’t you.

Nothing is worse than having jock itch. ESPECIALLY within 100 ft of a school or playground.

Snow White succumbs to avian influenza as a message against the laziness of magically hiring animals to complete household chores.