What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAIIINSSS!

ART TEACHER: Why have you painted the water green again? It looks- ME: I’m bringing *puts on sunglasses* Shrek sea back AT: You’re expelled

My wife said if I took one more picture of her she’d leave me. That’s when I snapped.

How many possibilities does a man with no arms and legs have? Limbitless

My sister asked me to take of her clothes too!! She’s a quadriplegic, and is incapable of doing so by herself.

For every player who credits God for the win, a player from the opposing team can logically blame God for the loss.

I’ve got no beef with white wine.

did you hear about the flaccid, chinese penis that ran for presidency? He didn’t stand a chance in the erection.

What is a Juanito? A little Juan

My teacher asked me to turn in my essay. Pero no soy un rata.