How many college guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they prefer Natural Light

Two blondes were walking in a park …when one of them said: “Look, a dead bird!” The other one looked up in the sky and asked “where?”

Gay guys are fucking assholes.

I dreamed… I dreamed I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.

I hired a person to randomly show up throughout the day and put baskets of bread on my desk.

Our youngest has finally graduated from baby bottles to 2-liters of soda.

*you see a bear approaching* “quick play dead!” *bear runs up to you* “OH GOD. WHO DID THIS TO YOU. ANSWER ME. WHO DID THIS TO YOUUUU”

do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth “starting now?” yes “the judge looks like squints from the sandlot”

3 dyslexic mods walk into a bra… [deteled]

“Shit just got real.” – God, creating the digestive system