How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Feminists can’t change anything.

What would Marilyn Monroe being doing if she were alive today? Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.

Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty.

The Energizer Bunny was arrested today… He was charged with battery.

Some people can’t stand being in a wheelchair

Men are like placemats. They only show up when there’s food on the table.

Two blondes are at an CD store. One is buying a DVD. Blonde 1: Oh, what’s that DVD about? Blonde 2: It’s how to repair household items! Blonde 1: What do you need to repair? Blonde 2: My DVD player

I get my best showering ideas when I’m writing jokes.

What do you call a smart Australian? A New Zealander