When the TMNT Tell a Secret I wonder if when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tell a secret, they say Donatello anyone

The doctor said I have only a month to live so I shot him. the judge gave me 50 years

The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.

You’re the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you’re worthless.

Why don’t blind people bungee jump? It scares the shit out of the dogs

Wait. Those Nigerian girls are still missing?? What about that really cool hashtag we made? They didn’t free them when they saw it??

So my buddy thought it’d be a good idea to get an inspirational tattoo on his forehead… Boy, was his face read.

My friends dared me to take Viagra and a laxative at the same time. So I went and sat on the toilet and I couldn’t tell if I was cumming or going.

An Irishman meets a…. Latvian. No potato. Both die. Is end.

I’m depressive and suicidal, though I have great news! I have terminal cancer! 😀